One of those days

Sometimes I just have one of those days.

I felt off before I even got out of bed. My legs hurt. My head hurts. Every noise seems too loud. Everything smells weird.

I just want to huddle up into a ball, but I feel claustrophobic at the same time. I feel ragged, raw, jagged about the edges.

I managed to make it to the kitchen to take my meds and grab some breakfast. My mom, of course, is on the opposite cycle from me and is manically mopping and cleaning while still in her pajamas. She has opened all the windows but didn't turn the AC off so it's cranking cold air full blast. She starts talking to me, too loud, too much laughing. I lean against the counter and put my head against the cabinets and just hold on, taking deep breaths. The kitchen is chaos of misplaced chairs and the cats are freaked out and circling. My head just spins and I want to huddle onto to the floor until it all goes away.

Slowly I get it done. Coffee and some food to bring my blood sugar up. Mom is still jabbering away, but at least the chairs are back on the floor and I have someplace to eat. Finally she asks if I'm OK. All I can answer is "no." I don't know why, I don't know how, but today I feel trapped and frantic. It just happens some days and I don't know why.

She is quiet for about 5 minutes, then starts jabbering again. Finally she leaves the room and I can eat. My mind finally starts to settle, like a dish of water that has been sloshed about and slowly the waves get smaller until the surface is still. OK, it's almost still. I still feel off.

I have no idea if this feeling will last all day or not. I have no idea why it happens. It just does sometimes. There has to be a rhyme or reason to it, but I have yet to figure it out. I will just suddenly feel trapped and frantic and anything out of place or too loud or too smelly or too anything will make it worse.

Hopefully today it will only last for a little bit, an hour or two. Otherwise it will be one of those days.