Frantic Today

Published to Tumblr February 2, 2016

One of the most frustrating things about my mix of chronic illnesses is that I will feel fine for days. Sometimes I’ll even feel great. I’ll have a day where the weather makes my arthritis act up, but it doesn’t trigger anything else. There are days where I feel well enough to go shopping and I’ll come home tired and a little anxious, but a quick nap makes me feel better.

Then there are days like today. I had trouble sleeping last night because I was anxious and jittery, and I have no idea why. I am still feeling frantic and I have run my “self diagnostic” and can’t find a reason. I am not in excess pain, which is one common trigger. I don’t have a doctor’s appointment today. My bills are paid. It is an inexplicable flare up. 

Not being able to find the cause makes it worse. There are days when I am depressed and can’t find the reason, which makes me even more depressed. The same happens with anxiety. I will go for a week with no schizophrenia symptoms, then I wake up one day unable to communicate and plagued by voices and shadows. And there is no real way to predict when it will happen. 

This roller coaster can be deadly.