My Mom Laughed At Me

Published to Tumblr January 27, 2016

Yesterday my mom laughed at me. And I really don’t know why.

I overdid it a bit yesterday. I went out to run an errand and afterward I still felt pretty good so I pushed it and went to the grocery store. That is always a trial: It is a study in sensory overload and is physically exhausting to boot. I got home and rested for a while, but I was still feeling a bit rocky mentally.

My dad was making dinner for him and my mom. I started making dinner for me. My mom was sitting at the kitchen table doing something - I don’t remember what - and she was talking non-stop. The excess of input finally made me overload. I couldn’t remember why I had gone to the pantry and all the background noise was turning into a meaningless buzz. I stepped to the side, put my hands over my ears, closed my eyes, and just stood there taking deep breaths until I felt more stable. 

When I took my hands down and opened my eyes, my mom was laughing. Then she commented “I’m not really laughing at you, it’s just that we’re so much alike.” 

At that moment I didn’t really comprehend what she said. I was still trying to function. But it sank in and I really didn’t understand. I almost let it pass, but I have been trying to stand up for myself and communicate more, so I told her “If you really knew what was going on with me, what was going on inside my head, you wouldn’t laugh.” 

Her response was to repeat: “I’m just laughing because we’re so much alike.” I told her that I really didn’t know what she meant, that her comment made no sense to me. She started to laugh again and then started to say something, but my dad made her stop. He, at least, had noticed that she was causing me distress.

I didn’t push it. I didn’t need to. I had said my piece. But I really don’t understand what she meant. I have no idea how she can see me in the corner with my hands over my ears and eyes closed trying to breathe and find it funny at all. I guess what it really says is that she doesn’t understand me at all.