Well, it’s time to break out the new calendar.
I know this is supposed to be the time of resolutions. It always seems so shallow to me, though. Lose weight. Stop smoking. Go to church more. Read more books. Watch less TV. Go Vegan. I know these may not seem shallow to most people, but to me they are just superficial.
This year I hope to not continue my trend of one stay in B-Med (the Behavioral Medicine wing of the hospital; it’s not proper to call it a psych ward any more) per calendar year.
This year I hope to stay alive until the next one. I’ve been able to stave off the suicidal tendencies so far. Let’s keep that up!
This year I hope to not add to my scars. I have resolved myself to keeping my hair in a buzz cut because I have trouble controlling the trichotillomania, but let’s keep the cutting under control. I’m actually hoping to get some tattoos on my arms where I usually cut to help me resist the impulse.
I don’t know what else to hope for. It is all so out of my control. I could care less if I lose weight or watch less TV or any of that. I just want to live something vaguely resembling a normal life. Unfortunately I think that’s beyond my grasp.
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