Ups and Downs

I have been slowly bouncing back from my crash. And, like always, it isn't a nice, neat, steady progression. It has to come in ups and downs and downs and then an up and then a down again - often all in the same day.

Something along the way triggered enough stress to affect my PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) and trigger a mini period and the hormone changes that go with it. I am on Depo to keep me from having periods at all because the hormone fluctuation were making me downright suicidal - literally - for a week out of the month. Not good. I've been on the Depo for about a year and a half and it has been going well most of the time. I haven't had my system overwhelm it in about 6 months.

Of course, with hormone changes come skin breakouts (I'm 44, damn it, not 16!) and mood swings. I will be down and uncommunicative all morning, then have an up cycle where I get a bunch of projects done, like changing the pictures on my bedroom wall or washing my laundry. Then I'll crash and burn, take a nap, and spend the evening staring at whatever is on Netflix. Oh, and I've gained another 5 pounds. Thanks, hormones. It is bad enough that at least three of my meds can cause weight gain. I obsessively watch what I eat, but it is still creeping up. My primary doctor says he's not too concerned because my blood pressure is good and I don't LOOK like I weigh 217 pounds, but I can feel it on my poor arthritic feet, ankles and knees. I'd hate to think of how heavy I would be if I at only junk food. Yikes!

Anyway, I think I'm pulling past the hormone fluxes. Please let me be getting past it. Last night I had my trichotillomania rear its ugly head. I can't pull my hair, of course, since it is in a buzz cut. But my eyelashes are fair game. It is so frustrating to be sitting there yelling at myself to stop it, but I can't. It's like my physical actions are completely separate from what my brain is telling my body to do. So, I know have almost no eyelashes. Again. And my eyes are sore. Again. And I am frustrated. Again.

So that's my life for the past week or so. Going up. Going down.