Friday, November 11, 2016

Domino Effect

Well, the past few weeks have been limbo in the worst sense of the word. I was still on hold regarding surgery, which was making me anxious and depressed, and the lead-up to the election was the worst kind of stressor. It is all just a blur, thank heavens. I know I was really close to suicidal several times but hopefully I am past that.

Regarding the election - well, the worst possible thing happened. I still can't spend much time on social media because of the doom and gloom, rants, predictions, talking heads telling us how we're all going to die (or so it seems), and the occasional misinterpreted quote that just fans the flames. I will sneak on to see what my closest friends have posted and to get the latest on all the cute, fuzzy animal pages I follow and that's about it. I just don't have the strength right now to think about what the future may hold.

Regarding the surgery - on Thursday my OB/GYN Dr. Welsh called and said that she had managed to talk with my other health providers and she was confident that the surgery was a good idea. And I lucked out. No one wanted to have surgery the Monday after Thanksgiving so I only have to wait about 2 weeks instead of the usual 2 months.

My whole limbo state was a domino effect. I would see something on the news about the election and it would trigger my anxiety. I would tense up and that would make my shoulders and neck hurt. The pain would make me hunch over, which would make the muscles and cartilage in my ribs hurt. Then I would try to stretch everything out by leaning back, and that would trigger the pain in my pelvic area. Or it would start with the pelvic pain and work upward. I just couldn't win.

And that is why I am hopeful about the surgery. It won't get rid of all the dominoes, but it will remove some of them and will hopefully let me break the cycle. And if I can be in less physical pain, then I can take fewer pain meds and I won't feel so groggy and dizzy. I would be able to do my yoga stretches again (I haven't been able to do yoga for 2 months. Every time I try, my lady parts let me know that they are VERY unhappy) and that brings down my anxiety. If I'm not hunching over my midsection, then my ribs don't get so painful I feel like they're trying to puncture a lung. The shoulder and neck thing is common to my Fibromyalgia, but if I can stay calm and can do my stretches, that stays under control.

Here's to hoping we can get rid of those dominoes.